How did I end up here?...
Things are different for me nowadays. Once upon a time (like everyone I guess) I was pretty care free, a dreamer, a wanna be artist without a care in the world.
Having children changes that for most of us certainly, but for me it was also a major health scare. I suffered a 'widowmaker' (massive) heart attack at the age of 45 not long after making a major career change. I thought that moving from the fast paced media career I'd had to an easy local marketing role was going to be a walk in the park. But that was before I found myself in a 'cultish' & negative environment.
The stress of landing in this strange business, combined with what turned out to be a low lying ongoing infection from some nasty root canal was my undoing - and the subsequent heart attack at this young age is what knocked me for a total six.
Now, that could have been enough, but just a short 2 months later I was the passenger in a car accident which broke 9 of my ribs, cracked my sternum and covered me with bruises and aches in places I didn't know existed, and let's face it chest pain wasn't a good thing for me after the heart attack.
Just 2 days later and I had the strangest thing happen. I got swooped by a bird, yep just a little bird, and this had me shaking, with cold sweats, nervous and jumpy for at least a week before I decided I'd better find out what was happening to me.
Of course I thought I was losing my mind, but it turns out I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). What tha! - I though this nasty disorder was for ex military personnel, people who were in war zones, refugees, asylum seekers, those that had gone through some terrible unspoken trauma. I soon learned however any major trauma (such as a health event) followed by another (in my case the accident) close together escalates the possibility of acquiring PTSD.
Not long after pursuing the main stream 'fixes' (aka pharmaceuticals) for these things my beautiful mentor (aka yoga instructor) came into my husbands workshop as a new customer...and a new Jul was soon to emerge. The combination of yoga, meditation, breathing, organic nutrition and wholefoods saved me from a lifetime of prescriptions, toxins and chemicals.
The 25% (apparently permanent damage to my heart) turned into 2% within a short 2 years and I've not looked back since. The weight loss was what everyone noticed, but for me it was a whole lot more...it was a new life, using discipline really changed my head space, organising my nutrients and eventually turning to a ketogenic (for me that's lots of good fats such as coconut oil, moderate protein and no sugars/carbs) lifestyle I found I was sleeping better, thinking more clearly, having a lot more energy and generally being more positive in everything I did.
If I'm honest with myself, some months are harder then others.
As many of you parents will understand it's very easy to prioritise yourself last. I fall into this trap regularly and find I don't 'care' for myself enough at times, not enough sleep, not preparing food daily and going 12+ hours without any sustenance. There is always a member of the family that deserves attention, always someone to cook for, washing to do, chores to complete, bills to pay, bookkeeping to do, blogs, emails, social media, websites and of course my glorious clients orders.
But...if I don't remind myself daily to get back in to my routine, take time out for myself, perform at least half an hour of yoga, I start falling into that trap. Over a period of weeks I can literally feel a wave of panic just behind my heels, negative thoughts start to become more frequent, it's sincerely like a huge wave of water that I feel myself just running from, a perfect storm of little neglects that add up in to what eventually turns into a fully fledged panic attack that can be bought on by the smallest of things. I sit here now, writing this blog following my first yoga session in weeks due to having a panic attack of biblical size over the last few days.
So, from one parent to another...today I start afresh and dial up the necessary discipline that makes me feel 'oh so good'. Take the time out for yourself, find the perfect match for your body, mind and soul. Today I will ferment some more indigo leaves, will freeze some more flowers and berries, make some seed crackers and fat bombs, and will spend the afternoon ironing up some turmeric, ginger, marigold, chamomile, calendula sheets for a joyful client.
Be good to you, prioritise yourself, thank your body each and every day for doing all the hard work for you. If you suffer from PTSD, panic attacks, negative thoughts, anxiety, drop me a line, anytime, & let's chat :)